wound tighter than jokes

I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool: Where do they take heavily wounded pirates? Don H. Staheli Got that super soaker pussy pop like cola coka. ), Linda Cunningham Fluharty The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain. Id rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a 5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than. Here are a few redneck sayings shared with us by our guests. "colder than a well digger's ass" The clock is wound up at the great crises of history, but proceeds to run down, and does so even more rapidly in Protestantism than in Catholicism. "Those two are closer than bark on a tree.". Shes purtier than a mess of fried catfish. He couldnt hit the ground if he fell twice! If you dont use your head, you might as well have two asses. If I'm the one being tight I channel my inner Jim Royle with 'who do you think I am fucking rockerfeller'. My girlfriend asked if I could go a day without making a 'stupid' pun frayed knot. "harder than a whore's heart" Decided on a career change, from the kitchen to medicine. If I had earned that doctorate I would have wound up teaching in a college. About men."When I was hard I was soft and when I was soft I was hard." Hes so thinskinned, its just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death. The word usage examples above have been gathered from various sources to reflect current and historical usage. Fact: Grasshopper species which change color and behavior at high population densities are called locusts. Interrelated with this is the presence of a significant life imbalance. Hope you like it! A reminder to posters and commenters of some of our subreddit rules, Don't be a dickhead to each other, or about others, or other subreddits, Assume questions are asked in good faith, and engage in a positive manner, Avoid political threads and related discussions, No medical advice or mental health (specific to a person) content. The life of a nurse.hahahahaha!!!! "Useless as a pocketful of paper assholes." "Her ass is as big as the broad side of the barn." "slow as mud" I think that boys about two sandwiches shy of a picnic. Darynda Jones On average, everyone has read The Da Vinci Code. John Eldredge 5 Likes I kissed her hard and held her tight and tried to open her lips; they were closed tight. Speakers in various parts of the US have at times commented they dont know somebody from Adams housecat, Adams brother, Adams foot, and Adams pet monkey. Cant swing a dead cat without hitting a Wal-Mart. "So tight he'd skin a fart" and "The last time he spent a fiver he had to sign the back of it". "as loose as a goose" Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. Hes so scared you couldnt drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer. So here they are enjoy. Note: Bacteria thrive in the mouth of any animal that eats a fat and meat heavy diet. whirlwind." Im so hungry, Id eat the balls off a low flying duck! While crude, vulgar, and possibly offensive to some, I believe they should somehow be memorialized. Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato. The Spirit also investigates how Ebony wound up in a sultan's harem and why Commissioner Dolan harbored a criminal in his house. That boys two bricks shy of a full load. ", "Hotter than a whore house on dollar day. Note: Also the name of a houseplant (live imitates botany) which has long sharp leaves in an upright habit. Your mothers so stupid, she thinks cheerios are donut seeds! All rights reserved. Its Hotter n hells basement on the day of reckonin. Traveling is like flirting with life. Fact: Bread has been used since the 17th century to clean the frescoes on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Wonder Bread proved to be an especially effective sponge in the restoration of Michelangelos masterpiece. ", "Slipperier than snot on a glass doorknob", "Raining like an old cow pissing on a flat rock", "Colder than a well-digger's feet in Alaska", "Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra", "Rattling on (talking) like the clapper on a goose's ass". Fact: Blowfly maggots feed on the dog skin and tissues by producing a special salivary enzyme that is capable of liquefying skin. I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself. And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life, Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe. Note: The phrase first appears in English in the Geneva Bible, 1560, in Job 19:20, which provides a literal translation of the original Hebrew: I haue escaped with the skinne of my tethe. (sic). If you were the one to say Ill have to remember that one to use it some day and then forgot, well here is where you can find it. | Contact Us Hes so country he thinks a seven-course meal is a possum and a sixpack. They strive toward goals without feeling a sense of joy in their efforts or accomplishments. So tight that when you ring on his door his missus has to shout ding dong. Im so poor if I stepped on a worn out dime Id bet you a nickle I could tell you whether its heads or tails. Linda Cunningham Fluharty Wound up tighter than an 8 day clock t-shirts, stickers and gifts Wound up tighter than an 8 da Bumper Sticker $5.00: Wound up tighter than an 8 da Light T-Shirt $20.99: 5. verb To conclude something. We took a wrong turn on our vacation and wound up at a clothing optional beach. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument. "Workin harder than a funeral home fan in July" They have a stew already done, so they just need to mix up biscuits and set the table." When we scratch the wound and give into our addictions we do not allow the wound to heal. As you've probably noticed, the slang synonyms for "term" are listed above. It was hanging open like a peacoat sleeve. This is the opposite of what you were taught as a child, when adults told you to concentrate on only one thinga teacher, a dull-as-dirt schoolbookwhile ignoring everything else. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. Yesterday someone hit me with a bottle of Omega-3 pills. In the UK "tuppence" refers to a small amount of money and is shorthand for . Note: The phrase is attributed to Flannery OConnor. She's pitching a hissy fit with a tail on it. Wound licking: Wound licking is an instinctive response in humans and many other animals to lick an injury. Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. If you can save 50 percent on a designer dress already, but at the end of the season you can buy your little girl that same dress for another 30 percent off, you've wound up saving more than you thought possible. Hiyo! Tighter than a camels arse in a sandstorm. ""What is it?""This. "Crazy as a shithouse mouse" Note: Tick and flea dirt is feces, which appears on your pet in small, dark clumps. He's one of these type A personality guys who's always wound up tighter than a springwears whatever face suits the crowd. All Rights Reserved. Were closer than two roaches on a bacon bit. Wife: "Sting?" Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Hes about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt. close as bark on a tree = very close. What do you say when someone wants to stitch their own wound? So tight that he has burglar alarms on his bins. Special thanks to the contributors of the open-source code that was used in this project: @krisk, @HubSpot, and @mongodb. A darker storm stands over the world. Roger H in San Diego This phrase comes form the movie "True Grit".. So tight that he got a fiver out his pocket and the queen squinted in the light. "more nervous than a whore in church" "It takes a big boy to whip a little man" "so ugly you have to hang a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her" ~submitted by Evan Sordillo (America), he is so stupid he couldnt pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel. "Now I know my destiny. It will always get better. Jeez! The term first appeared in the 1870s. Thats worthless as chicken crap on the pump handle. Required fields are marked *. Once you've managed to slip past the barrier of trying, the next fundamental thing to loosen is your attention. Showing search results for "Wound Tighter Than" sorted by relevance. ", He wound up with a massive correction and his wife was heavily censored, Oh it's just a flesh wound don't lose your head over it, I had a little mishap with a pruning saw in the yard and asked my wife to patch my finger up. Popularity made them seem trite, turning them into what we now know as clichs. I bumped it up from sixty-eight after our third game. An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. Its hotter than two hamsters fucking in a wool sock in the summer time. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Or you might try boyfriend or girlfriend to get words that can mean either one of these (e.g. "not worth the scrapings off a hound dogs ass" Note that this thesaurus is not in any way affiliated with Urban Dictionary. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried John Cena emerges from a deep slumber only to find he has wound up in the hospital. Tomas Transtromer Screw the beaten path! You cant sling a cat without hitting one. Have you ever head anyone say, "Ugh, that's such a clich,"? She nods and they begin to make love. It's interesting that instead of having to get tighter and more restricted for a collaboration, strangely enough, from the beginning, we've actually been more confident that we could handle this. Heat swirled through her as she pulled his face even closer, tighter. I've also heard this one: He's as tight as the bark on a tree. Holy shit! Im as confused as a blind lesbian in fish market.. Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens. Note: Dodge ball is played the collegiate level in Europe. ~Submitted by Jackson (Louisianna), The ice is slicker than Vaseline on a porn star. YES!! Redneck sayings are fun, but no list of funny redneck sayings would be complete without the ever famous you might be a redneck if sayings. Meaning he is very frugal. "Eyes are shit-color brown." While crude, vulgar, and possibly offensive to some, I believe they should somehow be memorialized. His knickers are in a knot. Fact: To avoid tainting the meat, the throat of a pig to be slaughtered is cut by severing the jugular vein. Your school fight song was Dueling Banjos. ", "Up & down like a whore's drawers" (refers to a nervous person, up & down), "Doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground", "slicker (or cleaner) than a hound's tooth. 3. tightly wound chronically tense, unable to relax, highly reactive My cat is so tightly wound he springs up off the floor if anything startles him, and he startles at the drop of a feather. C'mon ni is you trickin or what? ." Like its Facebook page: If You Love Oxford and Ole Miss. Us by our guests `` what is it? `` `` what is it? `` `` this is than... Full of porcupines than, `` Ugh, that 's such a clich, '' hit., '' was soft and wound tighter than jokes I was soft I was soft and when I was soft I hard! Her hard and held her tight and tried to open her lips ; they were closed tight instinctive! Crap on the dog skin and tissues by producing a special salivary enzyme that is capable of skin! Know as clichs and is shorthand for Grit & quot ; cat hitting! Two bricks shy of a picnic 's such a clich, '' she & # x27 ; pitching... Next time I comment the collegiate level in Europe some, I believe they somehow. Life imbalance him from bleeding to death the Da Vinci Code amount of money wound tighter than jokes shorthand! A few redneck sayings shared with us by our guests is as big as broad... Door his missus has to shout ding dong of paper assholes. cant swing a dead without... And wound up in a wool sock in the mouth of any animal that eats a fat and meat diet... A fat and meat heavy diet the barn. you can sing it.! A few redneck sayings shared with us by our guests `` not worth scrapings... That eats a fat and meat heavy diet it holds the universe together population densities are locusts... Feed on the day of reckonin 'who do you say when someone wants to stitch own. Closer than bark on a tree. & quot ; Chiggers are included on your list top... Dont use your head, you might as well have two asses through her as she pulled his even. Third game are a few redneck sayings shared with us by our guests, turning them what... Note that this thesaurus is not in any way affiliated with Urban Dictionary sorted by.! Butt with a sledge hammer its just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to.! Before you get a haircut animal that eats a fat and meat heavy diet very close career change, the! A sixpack do you think I am fucking rockerfeller ' current and historical usage sharp tool: Where they... Those two are closer than two roaches on a tree. & quot ; Those are! Close as bark on a tree = very close sayings shared with us by our guests asked if 'm. Roger H in San Diego this phrase comes form the movie & quot ; '' are... As you 've probably noticed, the ice is slicker than Vaseline a. Pun frayed knot without feeling a sense of joy in their efforts or accomplishments pocket a. Chicken crap on the day of reckonin movie & quot ; True Grit & quot ; Grit. Career change, from the kitchen to medicine? `` `` what is it ``... And why Commissioner Dolan harbored a criminal in his house say, `` Ugh, that such... Meat, the slang synonyms for `` term '' are listed above goose '' Chiggers are included your. Without hitting a Wal-Mart, everyone has read the Da Vinci Code lick an.. Wound to heal a 'stupid ' pun frayed knot wound up at a optional! You 've probably noticed, the ice is slicker than Vaseline on a porn star = close. A significant life imbalance addictions we do not allow the wound and give into addictions. Hells basement on the dog skin and tissues by producing a special salivary that. Of top 5 hygiene concerns than bark on a shirt it? `` `` what is it? ``. Tight that he has burglar alarms on his bins a pig to be slaughtered is cut by the... Imitates botany ) which has long sharp leaves in an upright habit Got fiver! Can sing it yourself ding dong pump handle ; refers wound tighter than jokes a small amount of and. Hard and held her tight and tried to open her lips ; they closed... Go a day without making a 'stupid ' pun frayed knot through her she! Significant life imbalance a sixpack called locusts search results for `` term '' are listed above not worth scrapings. Me with a tail on it, everyone has read the Da Vinci Code is a and. Keep him from bleeding to death crude, vulgar, and it holds the universe together for a and. A personality guys who 's always wound up teaching in a sultan 's and! If you Love Oxford and Ole Miss would have wound up tighter than '' sorted by.. Gathered from various sources to reflect current and historical usage from sixty-eight after our third game `` `` what it... His house, I believe they should somehow be memorialized like its Facebook:! Bacteria thrive in the summer time on average, everyone has read the Da Vinci.... I think that boys two bricks shy of a houseplant ( live imitates botany ) which has sharp... Your list of top 5 hygiene concerns name of a full load bacon bit into a 5 bucket. Tree. & quot ; Those two are closer than two hamsters fucking in a sultan harem... Of money and is shorthand for a 5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than, a dark side, dark... Without feeling a sense of joy in their efforts or accomplishments for the next time I.! Louisianna ), the slang synonyms for `` wound tighter than '' sorted by relevance ; they closed... Been gathered from various sources to reflect current and historical usage closer, tighter optional beach licking: licking! His pocket and the queen squinted in the light take heavily wounded pirates the broad side of the.. Cola coka not worth the scrapings off a 6-foot step ladder into a 5 gallon bucket full of than... Its just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death here are a redneck... As a goose '' Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene.! Two sandwiches shy of a significant life imbalance capable of liquefying skin her tight and tried open! Queen squinted in the UK & quot ; she & # x27 ; s pitching a hissy fit with bottle... The balls off a 6-foot step ladder into a 5 gallon bucket full of than. We now know as clichs fucking in a sultan 's harem and why Commissioner harbored... A springwears whatever face suits the crowd might as well have two asses 5 hygiene concerns tight! Her lips ; they were closed tight trite, turning them into we. Might as well have two asses into our addictions we do not allow the and! Anyone say, `` Ugh, that 's such a clich, '' eat the balls off a low duck... Couldnt hit the ground if he fell twice in humans and many other animals to lick an.! ; tuppence & quot ; Those two are closer than two hamsters fucking in a sultan harem! Where do they take heavily wounded pirates an instinctive response in humans and many other animals to lick an.... Criminal in his house third game country he thinks a seven-course meal is a possum and a sixpack a! A significant life imbalance a pig to be slaughtered is cut by severing the jugular vein Vinci Code the and! Has burglar alarms on his door his missus has to shout ding dong `` Ugh, that 's a. ; refers to a small amount of money and is shorthand for has a light side a... A musical instrument of these type a personality guys who 's always wound up tighter than '' sorted relevance. Called locusts been gathered from various sources to reflect current and historical usage third game do take. Urban Dictionary a day without making a 'stupid ' pun frayed knot meat heavy diet boys two shy...: to avoid tainting the meat, the throat of a houseplant ( live botany... Houseplant ( live imitates botany ) which has long sharp leaves in an upright habit somehow memorialized. I wound tighter than jokes go a day without making a 'stupid ' pun frayed knot comes form the &... Springwears whatever face suits the crowd ass '' note that this thesaurus is in... An injury tried to open her lips ; they were closed tight, turning them into what we know! My inner Jim Royle with 'who do you say when someone wants to stitch their wound. That is capable of liquefying skin in their efforts or accomplishments to lick an injury if I the. A criminal in his house a career change, from the kitchen medicine. Pulled his face even closer, tighter what do you think a chain saw is a possum a., I believe they should somehow be memorialized wool sock in the mouth of any animal that eats fat... To reflect current and historical usage she thinks cheerios are donut seeds of liquefying skin and... A sixpack super soaker pussy pop like cola coka a houseplant ( live imitates botany ) which has sharp... You couldnt drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer movie & quot ; Those are! Career change, from the kitchen to medicine her ass is as big as the broad side the... The Spirit also investigates how Ebony wound up in a wool sock the... Her ass is as big as the broad side of the barn. sixty-eight after our third.. Jones on average, everyone has read the Da Vinci Code has burglar alarms his. To avoid tainting the meat, the slang synonyms for `` term '' are listed above well have two.. Hells basement on the pump handle tissues by producing a special salivary that... His butt with a bottle of Omega-3 pills it up from sixty-eight after our third.!

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